Euphoria
by Ammonsa
Summary: Euphoria comes, but at what cost? Harry struggles to cope following Sirius' death and the revelation of the prophecy, and goes down a dark path. CW for drug use and addiction


Harry took a drag of his cigarette as he examined the park he was sitting at. He was waiting for someone. He reflected back on how he met this someone, hanging around with some muggle kids at the park at the beginning of summer. Harry paused mid-drag as a smile came to his face, almost involuntarily. Meeting Will and his friends was the only good thing that had happened…since Sirius died. Having fun with them pushed back the bad memories, if only for a little bit. Will had introduced Harry to the world of drugs. Harry vaguely remembered the anti-drug presentations that he had seen at primary school, warning them of the dangers of drug addiction. What they didn't teach them was how much drugs could ease a troubled mind. Will had introduced him to several substances so far. Weed was nice, it uplifted him, eased his worries, snapped him out of his funk. MDMA was the second, and Harry reminisced fondly on that experience, he had actually danced around the park that night with his friends. The warmth and happiness Harry felt from that night would be able to fuel his patronus, of that he had no doubt.

Then, there was cocaine. Harry had no idea what he was in for the first time he had a line. The euphoria overwhelmed him and his friends laughed in delight as he gave a whoop of exhilaration. Holy fuck, this was fun.

Which is what brought him to the park today, waiting for Will. He smiled as he saw his friend walk into view. Will was a tall, thin teenager of about eighteen years. He had long brown hair and a disarming smile.

"Heya Harry, how are you going?" he greeted Harry.

"Not bad, I brought the cash you said it'd be." Harry replied, pulling out a small stack of notes and handing them over to Will.

Harry then said "Thanks, I really appreciate you selling to me."

"No problem man, we're friends, I'm always happy to make sure my friends have drugs." Will handed over a small bag of white powder and 5 spliffs "This should tide you over until we hang out tomorrow with the rest of the guys. I rolled you joints because you still can't roll your own" He stood up and said "Well, I gotta go, I'll see you tomorrow night at the usual place?"

"Definitely" Harry smiled.

-

Harry returned to Privet Drive and went straight up to his room. The Dursleys generally avoided him this summer, and he returned the avoidance with fervour. He was glad of their disinterest, the last thing he needed is Aunt Petunia finding out he was taking drugs. He shuddered to think of the beating he'd surely receive from Uncle Vernon if that came out.

When Harry reached his room he immediately pulled out a plate and an old library card from a drawer and began pouring out a small portion of cocaine. He crushed it with the card, dividing the cocaine into three neat lines, and rolled a note up into a snorting device. He proceeded to snort a line, sighing in contentment as the rush of the drug hits him. Harry then snorts the second line and grins wildly. The good feelings have returned and he can forget about the prophecy and Sirius. He lies down and stares at the ceiling, smiling softly.

-

Harry woke up groggily. He had come down from the coke early in the morning, and subsequently fallen asleep. He woke up with a pounding headache, but it eased as he lit up a joint and opened the window to let the smoke flow out. He took a few deep drags, and relaxed. Weed eased the bad feelings considerably. It didn't make him as euphoric as the first few times he'd smoked it, but it helped ease the knot of tension he woke up with. He glanced over at the plate and bag of coke sitting on his bedside table. There was still a decent amount left. He poured out enough for a big line, and then snorted it.

He had a few hours to kill before he was meant to meet Will and his other friends, so he decided to go for a walk and have a smoke.

-

Harry met up with his friends at the park, finding them sitting around on the play equipment. There was Will, grinning at Harry and looking excited about something. There was Mikayla, bright hair coloured green, with several face piercings, and Ella, who had a short brown pixie cut. Sitting across from them was Dylan, a short boy with prominent acne.

"Hey all, I'm here!" Harry greeted them. They all greeted him, Will looking like he was fit to burst.

"Guess what I've got, Harry?"

Harry smiled, "What do you have?"

"LSD, uhh…acid, its commonly known by."

"You mean like that stuff Hippies took in the 60s?"

Will laughed, clapping Harry on the back. "Yeah, that stuff. It will blow your mind. You want to try? Your first time should be special, so what better than to do it with us."

"I'm in." The words flew from Harry's mouth. He grinned as his friends cheered.

Will took out a small container, opening it to take out what looked to Harry like small pieces of brightly coloured cardboard. He handed one to each of them, and then dropped one on his tongue, opening wide so Harry can see how it's done.

Harry follows suit, placing his tab on his tongue and leaving it there.

What followed were some of the strangest hours of his life. Harry loved LSD…it reminded him of magic. The world lay around him in bright fractals, his friends faces morphed around, the world and his view of it shifting. He lost himself in the stars, staring upwards and imagining what could be out there. He wondered whether Sirius was out there, floating through space, becoming starstuff. He was startled to realise that he had thought of Sirius, startled to find that he could examine the pain he felt. It hurt. It was like touching a wound.

Before he could stop himself he dived into the wound, allowing memories of Sirius to come to his mind. Each memory was tinged bittersweet, tainted by his guilt. He started crying before he realised what was happening. It started out silently and became racking sobs. His friends noticed and moved to see what was wrong. Ella came over and started hugging him, which only made him cry harder. He didn't deserve their comfort. He killed Sirius, he was responsible.

"Harry, what's wrong?" Ella asked him gently. Harry couldn't make out the words to reply, choking back tears. She touched his hand and said, "It's ok, you don't need to tell us, just know that we're here for you."

Harry nodded, mutely. "How about a drink? It can ease the acid if it's a bit too much." Harry nodded again, drinking would take his mind off Sirius.

Will handed him a bottle of vodka and Harry took a few swigs, relishing the burn down his throat, anything to forget about Sirius. He handed the bottle back and sat back, tuning in to the conversation his friends were having, losing himself in them.

The alcohol helped, Harry had to admit. Time passed and they enjoyed themselves, thinking nothing of Harry's episode. Dylan reassured Harry that acid could be very cathartic, and there was no shame in his emotions.

As they started coming down, Will lit up a joint, and they passed it around, sharing it in a circle, like stoners before them and long after them, Will explained. High on acid, the act of sharing weed bordered on spiritual, a beautiful way to connect and bond. They sat together long into the night, until the sun came up.

"Oh man, you have to try daytripping some time, Harry. The world is beautiful to explore."

Harry basked in the rays of the rising sun, and smiled.


End file.
